(The text of the problems posted
to us are edited before being published here, for the sake of presentability.)
Vrinda (26 yrs.) : I belong to the North India and I got
married to an Oriya guy who is extremely possessive for his culture and place. Both of us are employed. We had a love-cum-arranged
marriage, with the full and happy consent of our families. We also love each other very much. But the problem is, since I
am a non-Oriya, he always remains disappointed when he doesn’t see me as a full-fledged Oriya wife. I continuously tried
to please him with making his state’s food and trying to speak in Oriya; even by changing some of my habits to adapt
myself as per Oriya culture. My spoken Oriya is not fluent quality; but all this does not satisfy him. Due to all this, he
always says that he made a mistake by marrying me. He never sees that I continuously tried to please him. Please advise me,
what should I do? I am very much attached to him and love him a lot. He also cares for me very much, but says so hard words
due to his cultural possessiveness that it sometimes becomes heart breaking for me.
Oriya Nari: The sincere efforts you have made so far for
adopting Oriya culture, cuisine and life-style should normally have satisfied the cultural possessiveness of your husband.
It is driven by your deep sense of attachment and love towards him. As you say, he also reciprocates by caring for you very
much. Then where is the room for discontent? If you feel that he thinks he made a mistake by marrying you, then it might be
your mistaken assessment. The reality may be otherwise. Possibilities are that he only poses to be disapproving; but in the
inner core of his heart and mind he has a feeling of happiness and pride that he is favoured with a wife who does not hesitate
even to replace her own cultural identity with a new one only for the sake of him. If he uses “hard words” to
the extent of saying that he “made a mistake by marring you” do not take such words by face value. It may be his
habitual way of saying things. Some spouses derive relief from stress and strain by resorting to such sadistic expressions.
So there is no need to be alarmed. Time will heal his attitude; you should only remain patient till then.
(Posted on 2 October 2011)
*
Mamta (29 yrs): I want to share my problem with you. I
have been in love with a guy ever since I was in the 12th standard. Braving many difficulties finally I was able to marry
him in the year 2008. The main problem is that we belong to different castes. Though my in-laws agreed for this marriage,
they didn’t support it whole heartedly. However everything seems to be OK now. But my parents and my in-laws are not
on talking terms. They haven’t even met each other, till now. I think it would become possible once we have a baby.
The problem is that I have a dislike for my in-laws within me. Whenever I talk about them with my husband I express my displeasure
against them. It sometimes leads to quarrels with him. Please suggest what should I do?
Oriya Nari: The major need of the hour is to convert your repulsive
feelings towards your in-laws into feelings of love and affection. There is no other way to arrive at peace and harmony. But
how should it be done? It’s not an easy task. Love and affection can sometimes also be unilateral. But it needs lots
of perseverance and self-control. As you know, your in-laws nurture a disapproving attitude towards you. But can you practice
the art of ignoring what their feelings are towards you? Just ignore it and say to yourself that you don’t bother about
whatever negative attitude they have towards you and that you are under oath to love them unilaterally, come what may. Practice
it for a few days, then for two or three months, if you can. Begin by controlling your tongue first – by not
uttering anything that might hurt their sentiments. Control yourself and don’t react when your husband mentions appreciative
words about his parents before you. If you keep your emotions under control, they will certainly feel the difference, sooner
or later. And reciprocation is bound to come. Because every action in life has got “an equal reaction in the opposite
direction”. In the meanwhile it is also necessary to bring your parents and the in-laws close to each other. Convince
your parents to visit your in-laws’ place, even if uninvited. They could do it for the sake of their daughter’s
happiness. We are sure your in-laws would do nothing to displease their uninvited guests. Rather they might appreciate the
visit and the process of conciliation would begin.
(Posted on 26 June 2011)
*
Sulata (51 yrs): I
Know this is a rather late stage for me to tell this; but I still can’t get my husband to like my maternal family. My
family has a lot of faults but I cannot seem to forget my blood. I am waiting to get my happiness from my future two daughters-in-law
and my grand children. I also have an ongoing problem with my weight because of a low thyroid problem. I have joined a gym
but nothing seems to work out. Please tell me how I can make my husband happy; because I really love him a lot and want to
make the remaining years of our life together peaceful and contented. Also my younger son seems to be going through a low
phase (depression) and can’t seem to focus on life. How can we get him on the right track?
Oriya Nari: You have mentioned three different issues which appear
to be unrelated with each other. But there’s a common thread of pathos encompassing all these three aspects. Firstly,
why do you think that it is a rather late stage for you to tell that your husband still dislikes your maternal family? Some
men do have a certain degree of reservation/ bitterness toward their wives’ family at the early stage of their marital
life. But this attitude normally fades away by the time the relationship reaches your age. So it’s not late, and rather
is the right time for you to raise the question why things shouldn’t get normalized now. Do you think a formal apology
from your family’s side for any past occurrence, known or unknown, would heal your husband’s bruised ego, if there’s
any? Is so, arrange for such a show, howsoever artificial or unjustified it may seem to be. It is important that your husband
should now start treating your parents not as your parents but as his parents-in-law. It would in turn contribute in a significant
manner to his reformed attitude towards you. Regarding your second query, if you have been gaining weight due to health reasons
and have failed to check it thus far, there is little you could do about it anymore. So it is better to ignore it. Do you
visualize your need for weight loss as a means of making your husband happy? If so, it has no basis in our opinion. When the
spouses are on the ‘right’ side of 50 there ought to be more rational factors for conjugal bliss. As regards the
depression that your son is suffering from, we would certainly like to offer our views. But your message doesn’t contain
enough inputs for us to understand his exact condition. You may send us an email with more details, so as to enable us to
form an appropriate view.
(Posted on 24 April 2011)
(P.S - We have on 16 June 2011 sent a reply to the mail received by us from Sulata regarding her
son's state of depression.)
*
Monali (25 yrs): One of our neighbors always speaks
in a very loud voice in her house. It appears as if she is always shouting at or quarreling with somebody. We and my other
neighbors get disturbed due to this. We discuss among ourselves how to check this; but don’t find a solution. We are
always compelled to keep our doors closed to prevent the noise from entering our house. Could you please suggest something?
Oriya Nari: In all possibility, what sounds as quarrelsome
noise to you may be appearing quite normal to the lady who is delivering such noises. She is not aware that the pitch and
level of her voice is travelling beyond the boundaries of her home and causing disturbance to others. You and other neighbors
are justified in complaining about the inconvenience caused. As per norms, the noise level should not exceed 50 dBA in one’s
living room during the day-time and 30 dBA in one’s bed room at night. When it exceeds this limit one suffers
from symptoms such as sleep disturbance, annoyance and speech interference, says a scientific study. Now it is your immediate
task to let your neighbor know that her habit of speaking in a louder voice affects others. Have you so far tried telling
her so? If you feel uneasy, take one or two of your other neighbors with you; and you all should jointly call at her place
one day to tell about your sufferings. While telling her so you should avoid being hurtful and tell her rather in a suggestive
manner how your husband often wakes up from his sleep hearing the disturbing noises arising from her house, or how your kid
fails to study upon hearing those loud voices. We hope this would raise her conscience and she would try to change her habits
in this regard. But do not expect her decibel levels to come down immediately; because in such cases it is very difficult
to change one’s own inherent habits overnight, even if one wants to.
(Posted on 20 february 2011)
*
Ranjita (31 yrs): I am becoming very
fat; so planning to join a gym. But my office timing is from 8.15 am to 6.15 pm. Everyday I start from my house at 7.20 am
and come back home at 7.45 pm. In the morning I have also to prepare lunch box for me and my husband. In the
night, I have to prepare dinner after cleaning the utensils. I got one gym; it is open from 5.30 am to 8.30 pm. I am planning
to join the gym in the morning. I think if I prepare lunch box in the previous night, it won’t be rotten. But I hesitate
to say this to my husband. Because I am afraid if it will be OK with him if food is prepared in the previous night. He is
very shot tempered. No one can guess when he would get angry. Please advise me; should I say this to my husband or not. Also
I am planning to hire one maid for household chores like cleaning of utensils, floor cleaning and, if possible, also for making
rotis.
Oriya Nari: Your basic problem seems not to be whether you should
join a gym; but that you do not have the necessary confidence to mention even a simple domestic plan to your husband. Why
are you so alarmed? That your husband would get angry when you mention this to him is a very hypothetical prospect. There's
an equal chance that it may not happen at all. Even in case it happens, there's nothing to be panicky about it. It all would
be over in minutes. Just silently listen to what he has to say, without showing any reactions. Please remember that if
someone gets angry, then instead of getting annoyed or alarmed we should rather sympathize with him/her. Because the person
resorting to anger does so because he/she is not in a position to cope with the burden of emotional complexities
of life. His/her helplessness is much greater. So such people deserve our sympathies and understanding rather than scare.
In case your husband doesn’t approve your idea of joining a gym, just drop it. Because joining a gym may
be a good proposition; but not at the cost of disrupting peace and order at home. It appears that your daily routine at home
and office is already stressed. Adding another mandatory session in gym to it may put further physical and mental pressure
on you. Alternatively you could think of approaching the other routes for physical fitness such as, (1) Dieting and (2) Burning
more calories for weight loss by stepping up physical activities both at home and the office in the normal course.
It would certainly make a difference, provided there are no genetic factors behind your weight gain.
(Posted on 24 january 2011)
*
Mama (29 yrs): I loved a guy and waited 8 years to convince my parents.
Finally I got married to him, the traditional way, with the help of my MIL, my brother and other relatives. My parents were
against it; so they did not participate in the marriage. My MIL arranged the marriage completely and spoke (by phone) to my
mother before the marriage. My mother just cried and did not respond well. After that they have never talked with each other.
My FIL expired 4 years back. We are in the US my MIL is staying with my husband’s brother in Orissa. My mother is also
staying at another city in Orissa. Now my parents are good with me; but they are not communicating with my MIL. My MIL loves
me. But she expects that my parents should come, talk and initiate the relationship; whereas my parents still feel, why to
talk first as my MIL needed me and welcomed me without their permission. I understand the ego problem and their feelings,
but want to bring about a healthy relationship between them. I asked my parents to come to my in-law’s place, but they
ignored. I am unable to force them; neither can I dare to request my MIL to approach them first. Please advise.
Oriya Nari: The series of events, as narrated by you, is apparently
headed toward a happy ending. Now the solution is hindered by only a thin layer of ego, which is bound to get dissolved sooner
or later. In the traditional Oriya set up, in similar situations, it is the bride’s side which initiates the process
of conciliation setting aside ego factors. But in your case it is not happening. Plainly speaking, the situation has now come
down to:“Who first?” A feasible solution could be to choose a neutral place somewhere in Orissa where you have
a friend or relative who is willing to coordinate. A pre-planned ‘chance meeting’ of your parents and MIL
could be arranged there. Your common friend should invite both the sides to the place without informing either of them that
the other side is also invited. If possible, a prolonged stay of both of them (say for one or two days) could also be
thought of. Let the common friend act as a facilitator for a “Forget and forgive” kind of conciliation. We are
sure; the ice will be broken, bringing about the kind of peace and relief that you are acutely in need of.
(Posted on 26 December 2010)
*
Nandita (35 yrs): Whenever my MIL visits our home, she showers all
her attention on her son – really spoiling him and to make matters worse – really ignoring me completely. She
tends to care for her grand children too, which I appreciate. The remaining time is for her daughters for whom she would remain
in a state of endless worry; call-up and check their wellbeing and then her own relatives. I feel slighted with all this.
Any advice to deal with this supreme possessiveness?
Oriya Nari: Your problem can be addressed either way: (1) Your
MIL should extend same level of attachment towards you; or (2) She should stop extending her love and affection to others.
It seems either of these would keep you happy. The first option is entirely left to the choice and attitude of your MIL, about
which you can do pretty little. The desire itself of the second choice is unethical. So what should you do? Take things as
they are, and act in a positive manner. At this stage the better choice for you is to eliminate your desire to remain in the
good books of your MIL. Just ignore the attitude that she shows towards you and try to feel (even artifially)that it doesn’t
matter and you do not bother about it at all. If you look at it in a positive manner, by showering her love and affection
on her son, she is in reality supporting a part of ‘you’ only – that is your ‘other half’. So
stop worrying, and be happy.
(Posted on 4 December 2010)
*
Kavita (35 yrs): We are married since 12 years and have a son. Our
small family runs smoothly without much of a problem. My husband is however very idealistic, especially when it comes to bringing
up our only child. He wants our son to be perfect in everything: in studies, in games, in arts and also when it comes to good
health. But the burden of maintaining this super standard of the kid's upbringing always rests on me. He never shares any
responsibility towards this. If anything goes wrong he blames me calling it my negligence. If the child catches cold it’s
me who hasn’t taken enough care to prevent it; if he has not scored well in school exam it’s me who hasn’t
guided him properly, so on and so forth. Such attitude often causes irritation in me. We have also sometimes fought over the
matter. Could you please suggest a solution?
Oriya Nari: It would have helped if you had also mentioned whether
you are a full time housewife or a working woman. Because responsibilities and expectations ought to differ in either case.
Presuming that you are a homemaker with sufficient time at your disposal to take care of the family, cooking and shopping
etc. you certainly share a part of the responsibility for taking care of your child in the best possible manner. We said “best
possible” and not “absolutely best” manner; because it never happens and your husband should know it. If
he doesn’t understand, he is suffering from irrationality. It is unlikely that this attitude of his is going to be cured
instantly. Only Time would heal it; and in the long run he would understand how much you are doing for your son’s upbringing.
But our advice is never to remain attached to a word of praise from him. As the Gita says: Remain dedicated to your duty without
ever being attached to the results; things will take care of themselves. No doubt it’s unfair on the part of your husband
to shift the whole blame on you without ever giving a thought to whether he himself is properly discharging his responsibilities
toward the child. But let it not be your concern. The need of the hour is to get rid of the irritations and fights over that
matter. Your conscience knows that what you are doing in this regard is right. That’s all. No need of seeking recognitions
now. Just smile away when your husband levels any blame on you for the so called ‘negligence’ of the child. Be
assured you will have the last laugh, some day.
(Posted on 6 November 2010)
*
Preeti (26 yrs): There is an Oriya Brahmin boy whom I love. Before
proposing to him, I asked him whose decision would it be, regarding his marriage? He replied that it would be his own decision
but would need the consent of his spiritual guru before proceeding. Then I proposed to this man and had to wait for
another month for his reply. One day he called me on the phone and said that he thought we should not get married. The same
evening, he called me again and said he believed that our mutual feelings for each-other were indeed God’s will and
that he should marry me. But now he said he wanted his parents’ consent. His parents had already decided his marriage
with an Oriya non-Brahmin girl. When they were informed about his decision to marry me, they disapproved saying that I was
not an Oriya, although I belong to the same religion and caste. I agreed to learn Oriya and also started learning about the
culture, cuisine and everything about Orissa. Now the boy says that he cannot marry without his parent’s consent. He
is however willing for a live-in relationship and says that if he ever marries, it will be with me, else he will not marry.
I am not able to trust his words now after all the emotional game he has played with me, neither am I able to move on. Please
advise.
Oriya Nari: We agree with you when you say that the
man is playing an emotional game with you. We have earlier received counselling requests for such similar cases of emotional
victimization, and our consistent question has been: Why clear commitments are not obtained from the men in such cases on
the day one of the relationship itself? But here it seems that you have been careful enough to obtain such a commitment
before proposing to him. If he said that he needed to consult his spiritual guru and none else, then why did he dither afterwards
by bringing his parents into his scheme of decision making? His fickleness is exposed; at least you are lucky that it
has happened at the initial phase before you proceeded much longer in the relationship. Had it been later, you might have
been at a point of no-return. The boy’s stand vis-a-vis his parents is also unconvincing. One understands the dilemma
of the traditionally conservative households in such situations. But what about this family which is ready to accept an Oriya
bride even from a different caste, but cannot settle for a bride of the same caste who although not a born Oriya, is committed
no less to take a rebirth in Oriya-hood (as signified by your craving to learn the Oriya language, culture and everything
about Orissa)? It’s baffling. A live-in relationship with uncertainty looming large is no solution. Insist on an immediate
marriage and if the response is in the negative, part ways.
(Posted on 22 August 2010)
*
Pari (23 yrs): My mother-tongue is Telugu, but since I live in Maharashtra
I am not well versed in Telugu language. But I can fluently speak Hindi, Marathi and English. I am a student of B.Tech. Now
I wish to learn Oriya because I am getting married next year and my would-be husband is from Orissa. My mother-in-law doesn't
speak Hindi and knows Oriya only. So I want to learn this language so that I can communicate with her. Earlier I tried to
learn it through a friend. But couldn’t be successful. Please help.
Oriya Nari: We are glad to know that you are so intently inclined
to learn Oriya language. Thus far the language is being spelt as ‘Oriya’; but very soon, after passage of a bill
pending in the Parliament, its nomenclature will change to ‘Odia’. In our view the more you try to consciously
learn a new language the further it moves away from you. Grammar and “How to?” books wouldn’t be of much
help. So try to learn it the natural way. Engage yourself in Oriya conversations either in person or on phone whenever there
is any such opportunity. It may be your friends, your would-be husband and his relatives or just anybody who knows Oriya,
who could be of help by obliging to talk to you in Oriya. Never mind if you initially commit mistakes while responding to
them in Oriya. What matters is the confidence that you are able to communicate your thoughts in the language, even partially.
You could also see DVDs of some popular Oriya films and try to guess and understand what the dialogues mean. We are not sure
if you can tune in to the Oriya services of the All India Radio at your place. But if you can it would be a great way to get
accustomed with the language the effective way. In the learning process of a language the audio media scores over the audio-visual
one because it doesn’t divert one’s attention to visual engagement. As regards self help books, we would suggest
‘Learn Oriya in a Month’ by Rajan Panda which may also be ordered thru internet. Happy learning!
(Posted on 8 August 2010)
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EXPRESS YOUR PROBLEM
It is said that by merely expressing our grief before someone our burdens
get reduced by half. Keeping this in view we provide here a space to the women visitors of our
site to express their problems. The problems could be related to any field in their life - such
as their family matters, job, social life, private affairs, financial issues or what ever. Counselling
will be provided for the problems posted to us.
When you post your problems to this page your identity remains confidential; because your
real name is never displayed here. For that matter, you are also not required to type your real
name in the form below.
Please use the following form to post your messages for counselling.

The MlL Factor !
We knew that there was an MIL factor in all
married women’s life. But what we didn’t know was that it dominated their problems to such an extent. When
we started this Counselling page and offered a space to all women visiting our site to express their agonies,
we hoped that issues would be raised mostly on expected lines, such as financial problems at home, career options,
parenting problems, meeting situations in the job front, fine-tuning relationship with a husband and, of course, coping with
the mother-in-law (or the MIL factor, as we call it).
But little did we imagine that almost 80
% of the problems posted to us would pertain to the MIL factor only. This majority of issues presented to us for counseling
involved the role of an MIL, in some way or the other. It made us realize that taking care of this problem alone could bring
peace and harmony to many a home. Hence this write-up.
IT’S UNIVERSAL
Firstly, is this MIL v/s DIL (daughter-in-law)
‘game’ universal one? Most of us would agree that it is. It defies the boundaries
of countries, cultures and societies. Let us wipe from our mind for a moment that this is a problem peculiar only to
the Indian, or for that matter, Oriya women alone. The MIL-DIL complications exist everywhere. However its degree varies from
one society to the other.
This is not a development of the modern times
alone. It existed in all the ages. Old mythologies and history are replete with instances of MILs playing a crucial role in
shaping the fate of DILs. In some instances even the reversal of the roles has taken place. So what’s happening in the
modern times is not something new. What seems to be new, however, is its intensity. Today’s woman is more ambitious,
more informed, possesses higher levels of awareness, and has a greater understanding of her own rights and entitlements. This
has led to widening of the gap between the mindsets of the MIL and DIL.
What actually contributes to the problem?
The Freudian angle to it may not be ruled out. Once the daughter-in-law steps into the family, the MIL usually gets apprehensive
that the new entrant would grab all the attention and affection that her son so far bestowed on her. The sense of insecurity
in this front gets translated into a bizarre attitude in her behavior towards the daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law also
shares no lesser part of the responsibility in inflaming the problem. Like the MIL she also feels it difficult to accept her
husband’s attention being directed to his mother. All this happens at the unconscious level, there being no
explicit display of this in most of the cases. But it all gets manifested in a subtle manner in the interactions and behavior
between the two.
However it does not mean that all MILs and
DILs throughout the world are affected by this malady. There of course are some sweet exceptions where both of them complement
each other in an ideal manner leading to a peaceful life free from complications. But as we said, such cases are more
in the nature of exceptions.
Now, taken that the problem exists, how to
tackle it? Or how to live with it causing the least harm to the well being of the MIL-DIL-husband trio? The basic mantra
that we wish to suggest is, try to solve it; but if you fail, learn to live with it.
NO EASY SOLUTIONS
So let us first try to explore some ways
to solve the problem. In this regard the easiest thing that one is normally tempted to suggest is: “Understand each
other better, open up dialogue, and try to get closer to each other’s heart.” But this is easier said than done.
Such generalized suggestions hardly ever work.
We have always believed that the traditional
Indian values hold the keys to the solution to many a problem in familial life. In an orthodox set up, Indian daughters-in-law
are expected to be respectful and rather, submissive to their mothers-in-law. To be available at the service of the mother-in-law
when the need arises and obeying her instructions on a variety of matters is the norm. But if one advocates such a way of
life for the DIL, the women’s lib lobby and feminist folk would take up cudgels in protest. It simply is not acceptable;
even making a mention of this is considered sacrilegious.
So instead of risking this we intend to suggest
that being just respectful to one’s MIL and taking care of her sentiments doesn’t amount to sin. After all she
is an elderly lady, having seen more winters in life. She is also the one who has conceived and shaped the life of the DIL’s
other half (her husband). Such a Most Important Lady (MIL) surely deserves some reverence and recognition - the same
degree of reverence that the DIL would usually show to her own mother. In traditional Oriya homes the DIL is supposed
to address her MIL as bou or maa (the Oriya equivalent of mom).
A mother-daughter type of relationship is what one ideally aspires between the MIL and DIL. In some cases it becomes a reality;
but in most other cases, alas, it remains a distant dream.
“I treat her like I would do to my
mom. But does she consider me as her daughter in the true spirit?” is the complaint that most dedicated Indian DILs
would like to make. And it may be the other way round when it comes to the MIL’s version: “I always behave
with her as I would to my own daughter. But she hardly ever equates me with her own mother”. It appears that the mother-daughter
relation is the benchmark which if achieved would relieve the MIL-DIL duo of all stress and strain.
BEGIN WITH SACRIFICES
But in most cases it remains a distant dream.
At the cost of being branded partisan, we would suggest that either of two should make a beginning by choosing
to suffer silently instead of making protests and complaints or by offering ineffective resistances. Such a Gandhian
stance would prompt the other one to open up the gates of compassion and good will. Newton’s third law:”Every
action has an equal and opposite reaction,” might prompt the other one to reciprocate by showing the same degree of
tolerance and understanding in due course of time.
But why only one of them should take the
initiative? Oh! It would be great if both of them could show saintly traits at the same time and adopt the strategy of silent
suffering. But it can hardly ever be expected to happen. It’s a form of sacrifice that is to be initiated by only one
of them for the sake of bringing about peace and harmony in the family. Though this is not a ‘fashionable’
way of solution, it appears to be the only solution for the very reason that the alternative approach of “tit for tat”
would only bring further acrimony to the relationship.
We said that one of the duos should make
the sacrifice. Then who should it be? As we have hinted earlier, the MIL being an elderly and respectable lady should
be made the first beneficiary of such a sacrifice. The DIL has to be a little considerate in the matter. She should know that
the MIL has reached a stage in life where she cannot mould her way of thought or action as the situation demands.
Her age would simply not permit that. But the DIL’s would. So let her make the beginning. For, in the long run, she
is going to be ultimate beneficiary of it.
LIVE WITH IT !
If one fails to mend the problem then what
else is one left with but to live with it! We have always believed that MIL and DIL may learn to live life gracefully in spite
of differences lurking within them. The key to achieving this state of graceful existence is to firstly admit that this
peculiar problem is universal one and is going to stay.
Once you are reconciled to the situation
life is going to be easy, be you a MIL or a DIL. We think it might be a little difficult on the part of a daughter-in-law
to ignore the tantrums of her mother in-law completely and live a peaceful life. It might be difficult, but not impossible.
Similarly when a daughter-in-law in a traditional
Oriya home prefers to wear jeans on her way to the work place, the self-righteous mother-in-law would normaly frown upon
her. If she gets reconciled to the fact that times have changed and that her protests on this count are going to
further alienate her daughter-in-law from her, she could make a wise move to accept things as they are. It would bring peace
and harmony between the two.
It might be a Utopian dream to see the DIL and MIL maintaining a heavenly coexistence, but one could always
strive to make a move towards realization of the dream.
"QUOTES"
Love
is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
- Georg C. Lichtenberg
The
loneliest woman in the world is a woman without a close woman friend.
- George Santayana
Women are the only oppressed group in our society that lives in intimate association with the oppressors.
- Evelyn Cunningham
If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.
- Margaret Thatcher
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
- Robert Frost
Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not been able to answer... the great question
that has never been answered: what does a woman want?
- Sigmund Freud
A free race cannot be born of slave mothers.
-
Margaret Sanger
I am sure that if the mothers of various nations could meet, there would be no more wars.
- E.M.Forster
Why are women ... so much more interesting to men than men are to women?
-Virginia Woolf
The great fault in women is
to desire to be like men.
- De Maistre
Woman's
dearest thing is to wound Man's self-conceit, though Man's dearest delight is to gratify her.
- George Bernard Shaw
Modern
paintings are like women. You will never enjoy them if you try to understand them.
- Harold Coffin
Even
the wisest men make fools of themselves about women, and even the most foolish women are wise about men.
- Theodor Reik
If you want to know about a man you can find out an awful lot by looking at who he married.
- Kirk Douglas
I am a source of satisfaction to him, a nurse, a piece
of furniture, a woman - nothing more.
- Sonya Tolstoy
If all men are born free, how is it that all women are born slaves?
- Mary Astell
A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table, than when his
wife talks Greek.
- Samuel Johnson
A woman has to use her influence with a man. She must mould him, make him into a better person,
or what's the point of a relationship?
- Ruth Pawar jhabvala
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
- Mae West
Women deprived of the company of men pine, men deprived of the company of women become stupid.
- Anton Chekhov
Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it takes a very clever
woman to manage a fool.
- Rudyard Kipling
The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that the chldren produce adults.
- Peter De Vries
Most marriages don't add two people together. They subtract one from the other.
- Ian Fleming
Marriage is the waste-paper basket of emotions.
- Sidney Webb
Marriage is a bribe to make a housekeeper think she's a householder.
- Thornton Wilder
I should like to know what is the proper function of a woman, if it is not to make reasons
for husbands to stay at home, and still stronger reasons for bachelors to go out.
- George Eliot
A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony
in a moment.
- Jane Austen
A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.
- Frank Sinatra
Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
- Oscar Wilde
Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves,
making in all, two.
- Ambrose Bierce
A successful man is one who can make more money than his wife can spend. A successful
woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner
Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
- Martin Luther
I want to die before my wife, and the reason is this: if it is true that when you die, your
soul goes up to judgment, I don't want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things.
- Bill Cosby
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find,
and continue to find, grounds for marriage.
- Robert Anderson
Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters
in prose.
- Beverley Nichols

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